The customer is always right…so wouldn't it stand that the client is always right? No, not necessarily. After all, every lawyer has had that client.
The one who calls three times before you've had a chance to return the first message. The one who questions every decision you make. The one who ignores your advice, then wants to know why things didn't go according to plan. Or perhaps the one whose expectations for their case bear little resemblance to reality.
Difficult clients can test even the most patient attorney. But before you write them off as unreasonable, remember that clients often seek legal help during incredibly stressful moments in their lives. Their freedom, finances, families, businesses, or futures may be at stake. Fear and uncertainty don't always bring out the best in people.
That doesn't mean lawyers should accept abusive behavior or impossible demands. It does mean that understanding what's driving a difficult interaction can help you respond more effectively. If this is a topic of interest for you, be sure to register for our upcoming CLE "Dealing with Difficult People: Mindfulness Strategies for Lawyers", featuring attorney, author, and mindfulness instructor Claire E. Parsons. This course explores how lawyers can remain calm, communicate effectively, and protect their own well-being when legal relationships become challenging. Hope to see you on September 22!
Let's dive in.
Set expectations from the beginning. One of the best ways to manage a difficult client is to prevent misunderstandings before they begin. Early in the relationship, explain how communication will work, how frequently the client can expect updates, what decisions belong to the attorney versus the client, and what your representation can and cannot accomplish.
Be realistic about outcomes, too. Promising or implying a particular result may create expectations that become impossible to manage later. Clients may not always love hearing uncertainty, but a clear understanding of the process gives everyone a better foundation for the relationship.
Look beneath the behavior. A client who constantly asks for updates may not distrust you; they may be terrified about what happens next. Someone who becomes angry when you deliver bad news may be reacting to the situation rather than to you personally. Before becoming defensive, try to identify the concern underneath the behavior. Sometimes acknowledging it can immediately lower the temperature. "I understand why this delay is frustrating" doesn't mean you're accepting blame for something outside your control. It means you're demonstrating that you've heard the client's concern.
Empathy isn't the same as agreement and compassion doesn't require abandoning boundaries. Sometimes it simply makes productive communication possible again.
Don't match their energy. An angry email arrives. Your pulse rises. Your fingers hit the keyboard. Before you know it, you've written a response worthy of closing argument. But maybe don't hit send just yet.
When a client becomes confrontational, matching their frustration usually escalates the situation. Give yourself enough time to respond thoughtfully rather than react emotionally. Even a brief pause can help you notice your own frustration and choose how you want to proceed. This is where mindfulness can become a practical professional skill rather than simply a wellness buzzword. Taking a moment to breathe, recognize your emotional response, and refocus on the issue at hand can help you remain composed when the other person isn't.
Communicate clearly and document it. Legal concepts that seem obvious to an attorney may be completely foreign to a client. Confusion can quickly turn into frustration, particularly when someone is already under stress.
Avoid unnecessary legal jargon and explain complicated issues in plain language whenever possible. After an important conversation, consider following up in writing to summarize what was discussed, what decisions were made, and what happens next. Maintaining appropriate documentation of significant advice and client decisions also helps ensure everyone has the same understanding of the representation. Clear communication doesn't guarantee that every client will be easy, but it does eliminate a lot of opportunities for preventable conflict!
Establish boundaries and enforce them. Being responsive doesn't mean being available around the clock. Attorneys are allowed to have boundaries and clients benefit from knowing what those boundaries are.
If you don't answer non-emergency calls at 10:30 p.m., establish that expectation. If email is the preferred method for routine questions, say so. If abusive or disrespectful communication won't be tolerated, make that clear as well. The important part is consistency. A boundary that disappears every time someone pushes against it isn't much of a boundary. Professional limits can protect your time and well-being while also creating a healthier attorney-client relationship.
Know when to deliver an answer they don't want to hear. Sometimes a difficult client isn't looking for advice. They're looking for an attorney who will validate the decision they've already made. That's not your job.
A client may insist on an unrealistic strategy, demand an outcome the law doesn't support, or want you to take an action you believe is unwise. Your responsibility as an attorney sometimes requires telling a client "no," explaining why, and offering realistic alternatives. You can be empathetic without sacrificing honesty. In fact, respectful honesty may be one of the most valuable things you provide.
Don't let one difficult interaction hijack your day. A contentious phone call can last ten minutes and occupy your thoughts for the rest of the day if you let it. Develop a way to reset after challenging conversations. Take a short walk. Stretch. Step away from your screen. Practice a minute of focused breathing. Talk through the issue with an appropriate colleague when necessary. Whatever works for you, the goal is to prevent one person's stress from becoming your stress for the remainder of the day.
Protecting your well-being isn't separate from serving your clients effectively. Your ability to think clearly, exercise judgment, communicate professionally, and remain attentive to your work depends in part on your ability to manage your own response to stress.
Recognize when the relationship isn't working. Most difficult client relationships can be improved with better communication, clearer expectations, and stronger boundaries. Some can't.
If trust has completely broken down, a client continually disregards advice, refuses to meet financial obligations, demands unethical conduct, or repeatedly crosses established boundaries, an attorney may need to consider whether continuing the representation is appropriate. Of course, lawyers can't simply walk away whenever a relationship becomes unpleasant. Withdrawal is governed by applicable professional rules, contractual obligations, and, in some circumstances, court approval.
The point isn't to abandon challenging clients. It's to recognize that there is a difference between working through conflict and remaining indefinitely in a professional relationship that has become untenable.
At the end of the day...difficult people are unavoidable in the legal profession. Difficult clients, opposing counsel, colleagues, witnesses, and even other attorneys can bring stress and emotion into an already high-pressure environment. You can't control how another person behaves, but you can control how you respond. Just remember that the person making your day difficult may be having one of the most difficult days of their life.
Wondering how to deal with a difficult coworker? Check out this past blog.
